07 May 2015

no matter what.





i've been doing well. really well. for a good month, even longer. then last night something i watched on the television brought fresh the realization that our daughter's 25th birthday is the day after mother's day ... well, let's just say i kind of fell apart inside. and so for now, i suppose i'm mourning the loss of our daughter all over again. i won't be in a state of deep lament for long but you know what? it hurts. hurts deep to the core. those of you who read this blog and are experiencing the same situation, get it. completely. sadly. in terrifyingly real measure. i hate this. i hate that we run the risk of never seeing our daughters again .. this gathering of lady hearts here, some who comment and others who remain silent but share in private message. we're a community of believers who seek Him in the loss, travel an identical path .. and understand the emotional ebb & flow. 
we stand with knees shaking .. in solidarity.

but i'm growing. in ways i never thought possible and in degrees i thought myself unworthy and beyond His desire to gift my heart. He loves and gives and lovingly gives more, infinitely more, to those who seek Him in the shattered places of life. i see His fingerprints in this grief process, and i am undone by His unfathomable grace.

so while i grieve,
i also praise the One who
is the lifter of my soul,
for even in this
He
has His hand..
for His glory.
His purpose.
no matter what.
and i thank Him.
no matter what.
it is well for my soul.

with love,
sherry


33 comments:

  1. This will be my second Mother's Day after the loss of my son, bittersweet because I was blessed by him... he had beautiful children, my Grands bring his light into the present. Sherry I am new to your blog but I understand.
    Vera

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    1. my heart goes out to you vera.. while our circumstances are varied, we walk the path of losing children. i'm so very sorry.. may you find peace this mother's day and know that God is with you every moment.

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  2. Praising Him because..."The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."
    <3
    Hugs from afar

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    1. savoring those hugs, and especially the passage. thank you pearl girl. love you dearly.

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  3. Beautiful thoughts, my friend! I think a lot of us are afraid to feel sad, and grieve when we need to. But I've learned that if I don't, the painful feelings eventually come out anyway, and often in more destructive, and unhealthy ways. Love and Hugs! <3

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    1. each of us goes through really hard things that rob joy or/and bring us to our knees. i'm longing for us as women to come alongside .. to not preach at one another, but walk with one another, help each other cry - not dictate how grieving should be done... sorry, off on a bit of a tangent.

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  4. Yes. Nodding and agreeing. Bless your heart. All our hearts. Mean it.

    He's got this. Thankfully.

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    1. it's not yours or mine to own... He's got it, you're right!
      but it's ours to grieve under His covering of true mercy. amen..

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    2. Yes, grief is personal and He certainly helps us bear the weight of it. I would be lost without His loving kindness and tender mercies.

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  5. My heart goes out to you Sherry...I love you.

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    1. i love you too, sissie. {{{{{hug}}}}}

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  6. The blessings of motherhood holds hands with hope and prayer. Will be praying about this situation. I believe there is hope. Has to be. Chin up, praise out.
    d

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    1. My hope is in Christ .. in Him alone. Thank you for praying Deanna.

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  7. There are some griefs that are more painful than the grief caused by death. This was a ripping, a tearing apart of your heart, not a clean cut, yet a terrible severing just the same. I am so sorry that yet another birthday will be spent apart from your girl. I pray that on that day she will remember the truth of the love you have for her and the truth of God's love for her.

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    1. Thank you Elizabeth. You said what I couldn't put into words ... Hugs.

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  8. Beautiful, profound prayer, agreeing with you, Elizabeth. Amen and amen.

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    1. elizabeth has a way with words... a gift from the Almighty. :)

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  9. "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?" (Romans 8:35)
    <3

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    1. snuggling in ever deeper into His embrace... the sweet spot of life itself.

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  10. I'm new to your blog, Sherry, and just learning the heartbreaking circumstances behind this post. Your words are powerful and touching and inspiring. Reading the comments here, it's clear that you are surrounded by women who understand and are a great encouragement to you. All provided by the hand of God, I'm certain. Gentle hugs, Nancy

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    1. God has been merciful in how He hand picked each precious woman to walk alongside me in this nightmare. just one of the many ways He shows His love.

      thank you for visiting my blog - and for your kind comment. so appreciative.

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  11. Sherry such a beautiful soul you are, open to life, and giving into you grief, I grieve with you, with many losses in my life one feels you will never get it back, but guess what everyday of yours mine and their lives out there God gives back, listen for his small whispers, a tap on the shoulder ever so subtle, a wink from know where God is giving back, and you my dear will see here again, this is a promise from God.

    Living through the loss of all grand parents, my Father way to young, a mother way to ill, my small very small family is growing smaller and yet bigger through God.
    Gods wink to you in so many common threads that link us all together is that you are forever loved.
    Blessed with blessing unnoticed, and I am blessed we stumble into each other's lives.

    Your new follower VERA, is a friend of mine,mand her story is heart wrenching,meet she has found love and daily strenght in knowing her son is so approving of everything she does,meverything she post, and his beauty and love carries her through.

    I am praying a prayer for you my dear one of strenght, comfort, and joy that may be passed onto you deservingly.

    Happy Mother's Day .... You will always be her mother.... And I bet you will come to know it Sinday.
    Your heart is cradled with his love.

    Xoxo
    Dore

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    1. thank you for sharing.. each of us experiences deep loss. it's a universal language we can relate to and walk alongside.

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  12. Love you and I am sorry for your pain.
    I've learned from you how to bear hardship with grace.....

    Deanna

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    1. it's my desire to walk this path with grace .. though i fail miserably. and yet, He's always faithful. :)

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  13. I am praying for you, my dear friend. And I pray for your dear one to realize she needs the gift of YOU in her life again. Your path has been most difficult but I do see the grace of God shining through you - even in the hardest moments. Let the tears fall. He created us to feel deeply and He gave those tears to us. Sending hugs to you because I can't give them in person. Asking God to keep you in His perfect peace - because your heart and mind are 'fixed' on Him.
    ~Adrienne~

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    1. therein is the key, dear adrienne... that our hearts and minds are fixed on Him. love you.

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  14. I am sorry for your loss.
    *thanks for reading and commenting. it was nice to hear from you.

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  15. What a gracious and precious daughter of God you are!! You are bringing Him glory in a trial that seems unbearable. I am so grateful you are *in my life* , the testing you are enduring is growin my faith. Not by any means the way He is growing you (which that pain brings me to tears to even think about let alone walk thru it) , your faith and love and trust in Jesus, it is just so beautiful and breaks me. Praise God for His unbounding and sufficient Grace. praying~tammy

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    1. He alone is sufficient ......... my all and everything.

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pearls of wisdom . . .